


ill borne

by ghoulsun



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, F/M, Modern AU, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 06:50:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9223811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghoulsun/pseuds/ghoulsun
Summary: Hawke finds herself pregnant after her one night stand with Fenris.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first published fic ever! Wowie! I'd love to hear feedback.

‘Aveline, I need you to do something for me.’

‘Hawke, is this an emergency? I’m at the station right now.’

Was this an emergency? Hawke counted on her fingers again, trying to remember when she had her last period. It was too long ago. There was no doubt she missed one.

‘Hawke, are you still there? I need an answer.’

‘Yes, yes it is I swear. I need your help. Please, I don’t know who else to go to.’

There was a pause until Aveline finally said,’I can be at your apartment in fifteen. Will you manage until then?’

‘I can, thank you so much. I’ll see you soon.’

She ended the call, her hands shaking so badly that the phone slipped and clattered to the floor. She had to calm down. That single night with Fenris couldn’t have caused this. She’ll be fine. Just a scare. Isabela’s had a few before. Nothing she couldn’t deal with. She was a Hawke, Malcolm’s daughter, a fighter from birth. Oh Maker. Birth. Not a thought she wanted to have right now. All she could do was pace around her apartment until Aveline got here. After what seemed like an eternity, three quick, forceful raps on the front door signaled Aveline’s arrival and Hawke rushed to let her in. 

‘Now Hawke, can you tell me what’s wrong? I only have about an hour before I have to head back. Donnic is covering for me until then.’

‘I need you to come to the drugstore with me.’

‘Is that it? You couldn’t have done this on your own?’

‘No, I swear I’ll explain after. It’s not that far of a walk. I just need some moral support through this.’

Aveline sighed.

‘Let’s go then. Grab your things.’

Hawke rushed to put on her coat, collected her purse from her bedroom and picked her phone off the floor. She and Aveline left the building and into the brisk winter weather. Hawke couldn’t force any small talk. The faster this ordeal was over, the faster she could return to her normal life. Hands shoved into her pockets, she made the walk to the corner drugstore in record time, thankful for Aveline’s long strides. The door chimed as they made their way in, Hawke’s eyes flitting around until she found the aisle she dreaded. Family planning. Right next to feminine hygiene products which, unfortunately, she hadn’t needed to visit in the past few weeks. Grabbing a basket, Hawke beelined there with her head down, Aveline trailing behind.

‘Hawke, what exactly do you need from here?’

Stopping in front of the pregnancy tests, she turned and stared at Aveline, watching the realization bloom across her friend’s face.

‘Aveline, I think I might be pregnant.’

Two tests per box. Hawke bought two of them. 

Again, the walk to the apartment was silent, Hawke not bothering to waste her breath as she sped back home. 

As soon as they made it back inside, Hawke ripped open the box and headed to the bathroom. Just pee on the stick. Pee. On. The. Stick.

‘Aveline, how long will it take until I get a result?’

‘The insert says it should take three to five minutes. Hawke, are you okay? We need to talk about this,’ Aveline said through the door.

Her hands were shaking, causing her to miss the test the first few times.

‘Fuck!’

Putting the first one on the bathroom sink, she unwrapped the second one and repeated the process. Now for the longest five minutes of her life. When she opened the door, Aveline was leaning against the adjacent wall, concern written across her face.

‘Haw--’

‘Aveline, have you and Donnic ever thought about having kids? Starting a family?’ she interrupted, wringing her hands nervously.

Aveline pursed her lips, obviously mulling over her response. She spoke carefully.

‘We’ve discussed it a few times. We decided that we should wait a few more years to focus more on our careers, with my promotion to Captain of the precinct. But we expect it’s something bound to happen in the future for us.’

‘But you’ve decided you’re not ready, right? Aveline, if I am pregnant, I’m not ready. I don’t want this. I don’t even think I ever want kids. I’m scared. This is exactly the thing I don’t need right now.’

Turning and checking the first test, Hawke saw a solid first line and a faint second one.

‘Aveline. Two lines means negative, right? Please tell me it means negative.’

‘Oh Hawke..’

‘It’s a probably a false positive. Oh Maker, please let it be a false positive.’

She wasn’t going to get hysterical. Staying calm was something she was good at, right? She checked the second one. Two lines. Again. 

‘Aveline, get me the other box.’

‘Hawke, they’re going to say the same thing, you need to sit down and process this.’

‘Aveline, now,’ she choked out.

Hawke felt nauseous. This couldn’t be happening. Aveline shoved the box in her hand and she didn’t even bother closing the door this time. 

‘Hawke, pull your pants up and get off the toilet. It’s not going to magically speed up time. Come to the living room.’

‘Aveline, this can’t be happening. This can’t be happening! I don’t want this!’ Hawke choked out, close to sobs. 

‘Hawke, you need to take deep breaths. This is not the end of the world. Let’s move to the couch.You sit, I’ll bring the tests over.’

Aveline guided her to the couch. Hawke’s vision was blurring and her chest was tightening. Ugly sobs forced their way out of her mouth.

‘Aveline!’

“I’m here Hawke, I don’t know if you want to see this.’

‘Aveline, just show me the fucking tests!’

She was silent as she passed them over. Two lines. Both of them. That made four positive tests.

‘Oh Maker, fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!’

‘Hawke, do you want me to get Anders over here? I can stay here if you want.’

‘Yes to both. I’m going to lie down. Or vomit. Either works, because I’ve been throwing up all fucking month!’

Hawke stormed to her room, slammed the door, and threw herself on her bed. Her thoughts wandered to Fenris. Fenris had to be the father. The same Fenris who fucked her and left before she even woke up. She thought he loved her, that that night meant something to both of them. Obviously from his reaction, it didn’t mean shit. Did he come inside of her? Oh Maker, she couldn’t remember. She had always been so careful and the one time she fucks up, this happens. Anders and Aveline are both going to ask who the father is. Well, they both know who it is, but they probably wanted to hear it from her. Tears burned behind her eyes and she could feel her magic flaring up. She hadn’t had an incident triggered by her emotions since she was a child. Electricity sparked from her fingers and the lights in the apartment surged violently. Hawke vaguely heard Aveline burst into her room with Anders following right behind her. Anders grabbed her wrists, pinning her arms down.

‘Hawke! Listen to me! You need to calm down. You’re okay, everything is going to be okay. Just take deep breaths. Breathe with me, in through your nose, out through your mouth. Can you do that with me?’

Hawke could feel his healing magic gently surrounding her, allowing her to slow her breaths and follow his lead. She felt Aveline stroking her hair and wiping the dried tears from her face.

‘Aveline, can you get her something to drink? Water or tea should be fine.’

Aveline nodded and went to the kitchen, looking slightly relieved to be out of Hawke’s room. Anders let go of Hawke’s wrists and sat down next to her on her bed. 

‘Hawke, Aveline updated me on the situation. It’s obviously been distressing, but you have options. I can check over the fetus to tell you how far along you are and if there’s a chance it has magical potential. It can help us determine what to do next,’ Anders said soothingly. ‘Do you want us to contact the father for you?’

‘No! No please, you can’t. Fenris doesn’t need to know and I haven’t seen or heard from him in weeks. I don’t want this child. He won’t want it either. It’s all a mistake.’

A cough at the threshold of her room announced Aveline’s return and Anders helped Hawke sit up. Aveline crossed the room and passed her a cool glass of water, which she drank greedily. Aveline covered Hawke’s hand with her own.

‘I need to make some calls, I’ll be back soon, okay?’ Aveline said before patting her hand and going through the living room and into the hallway outside her apartment. 

‘Anders, I need you to get Isabela on the phone. Now.’


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it only took me 11 months to finish chapter 2! Here it is y'all.
> 
> This chapter contains discussion of abortion.

Isabela picked up after the second ring.

‘Hawke! I’ve been thinking of you lately, we haven’t seen each other since I got back from my last trip.’

‘Well, I guess this is perfect timing then. Would you be able to meet me at the Hanged Man today? I have something… urgent to discuss with you.’

‘Ohhh you’re sounding very serious, Hawke. I’m free tonight. What time works for you my dear?’

Hawke checked her watch, ‘How does eight sound?’

‘Perfect! I will see you then.’

And with that, the call ended. Hawke fell back onto her head, staring at the ceiling. She felt the bed shift as Anders stood up.

‘Hawke, would you like for me to do an examination now?’

She paused and sat up. ‘Yes. Thanks, Anders.’

‘It’s no problem at all, Hawke. I need you to lie back down. First I’m going to do a general exam and then I’m going to check the fetus. You mentioned that you’ve been experiencing morning sickness. Do you know when it started?’

‘About two weeks ago, I think.’

Hawke felt his magic gently wash over her as he examined her completely. There was a calmness to it, a tenderness she couldn’t place. She watch his focused expression and his careful hands. The hands of a healer. The thought comforted her.

‘Having you been experiencing anything else like fatigue, backaches, or tender breasts?’

‘Definitely fatigue. But that’s usually the norm for me, so I didn’t consider…’

‘Some symptoms of pregnancy can easily be mistaken for something else and vice-versa. And Hawke, you need to take it easy. Today must’ve been stressful beyond belief, and that stress isn’t helping you or the fetus. For the morning sickness, it can last from 6 to 12 weeks. All I can do is recommend you stay hydrated and eat small meals when you can. Now I’m going to feel around and examine your abdomen. I’ll be able to determine how far along you are and its general condition, okay?’

Hawke forced herself to relax and nodded, now feeling Anders’ magic focused on her abdomen. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that when she opened them, this never happened. No one night stand with Fenris, no missed periods or vomiting up breakfasts. No more fear. Just her, going to classes and working her part-time job at Varric’s bookshop. Staying out late with friends, partying and getting so drunk she couldn’t see straight . But when she opened her eyes, she was still trapped in this nightmare.

‘Hawke? It looks like you’re about 8 weeks along. Because of your bloodline, it seems the fetus does have magical potential. However, it’s too early to know for sure. It’s healthy, but I am concerned about how this is affecting you.’

She sat up and looked at him, ‘Anders, that night with Fenris was a mistake. He left me in the middle of the night. I woke up alone.’

Tears started to roll down her cheeks, ‘I thought he loved me. I thought we had something, but apparently, I was wrong. I was a fucking idiot. Now I’m stuck with this, this thing growing inside of me. I don’t want this. I never wanted this. I saw my entire future gone in seconds. And right now, I feel so fucking helpless.’

Anders pulled Hawke close to him as she cried. She cried out of anguish, of anger, of fear. His eyes narrowed as the lights flickered. He stroked her hair and extended his soothing magic over her. Hawke has always been a powerful mage, but her control over it slips when she experiences an intense emotion. It wasn’t even this powerful when Malcolm Hawke died. Maybe she sees this as a death of part of herself? He didn’t realize her crying had stopped and she was shifting out of his arms.

‘Anders, I need to get ready to see Isabela. And Aveline is probably in the living room, you should go... update her. Whatever needs to be done.’

He let go of Hawke and stood up, pausing before he left the room.

‘We can start talking about where to go from here tomorrow. And Hawke, I’m--we’re-- here for you. You don’t need to go through this alone.’

She gave him a small smile. ‘Thank you, Anders.’

He nodded and left, joining Aveline in the living room. She looked up from the report she was reading and offered him a seat on the couch. Anders sat, resting his elbows on his knees and hands clasped under his chin.

‘How is she?’

‘Better than she was. Physically, fine. Mentally? Not so much. This is not something Hawke wants. It’s taking its toll, partly because Fenris is the father. Just the thought of it sends her back emotionally to the night of conception.’

‘Do you think she may be a risk to herself?’

Anders mulled over his thoughts.

‘I don’t believe that she will harm herself, but someone should stay with her tonight.’

‘Do you have anyone specific in mind?’

‘Myself. She needs a medical professional.’

The opening and closing of Hawke’s door gained their attention, but Hawke was already making her way to the front door.

‘I’m going to the Hanged Man to meet Isabela. Don’t know when I’ll get back, but there’s a spare key in the ashtray on the coffee table so lock up when you leave.’

She finished pulling on her coat and grabbed her keys, but instead of leaving, she hesitated at the door.

‘Thank you, Aveline. Anders. For everything you’ve done today.’

And with that, Hawke was gone.

The walk to the Hanged Man wasn’t short, but Hawke needed the time to clear her head. Should she just get drunk and then tell Isabela? The more she thought about it, the better that sounded. Not only would Isabela be able to give her advice, but she was the last person to have any contact with Fenris. And conversations about Fenris were unavoidable. She had questions of her own for him, never mind the ones she knew would be eventually asked. Would she tell him? Doesn’t she want to know if he wants the child? Will his feelings affect her final decision? Hawke scoffed at the thought. This affected her body, her life, and Fenris could go fuck himself. Maybe then he wouldn’t leave after. If she decided to tell him at all, it’d be after the problem was taken care of.

Hawke stopped at a corner, waiting for traffic to pass, and watched her breath. She was fairly sure about how this would play out. Carrying out the pregnancy was not an option. However, she knew that terminating it would have hurtles, even with Anders’ help. And honestly, she’d done her research on them before. It was either she had to fight to exercise her personal autonomy or pray to the Maker that she would miscarry, which would be less than ideal.

She crossed the street and saw the familiar entrance for the Hanged Man, hurrying to make her way out of the cold. Stepping inside, she was greeted by the usual noise of the tavern’s patrons and easily spotted Isabela flirting with Corff at the bar. Hawke maneuvered her way over and wrapped her arms around Isabela’s waist from behind.

‘Hawke! Corff, get me a pint of lager please for Hawke and put it on my tab. Actually, make that two,’ Isabela said with a wink.

‘One day, I’m going to kick you out if this tab isn’t paid,’ Corff grumbled while pouring the first pint from the tap.

‘We both know that day will never come. You love me too much to make me leave.’

She turned around to face Hawke and pulled her in to press a kiss on each cheek.

‘Hey Isabela. It’s good to see you.’

‘And you as well, my dear,’ she replied, taking their pints from the bar and making her way to an open booth in the back. ‘So what is this urgent business of yours?’

Hawke sat across the table and Isabela passed her a pint.

‘Before we get started on that, I need to be at least halfway to drunk. Shots?’ Hawke asked before downing half her beer in one go.

‘Cheap tequila?’

‘Absolutely.’

Their first round came from the bar, two shots for each of them. The tequila burned doing down, but for once it was a welcome feeling. Better than the burn of unshed tears.

‘Hey, have you talked to Fenris recently?’

‘The last I saw him was when we docked in Antiva. He said he’d be gone for a while but didn’t give any details. He’s probably on some convoluted quest to find himself. And right after what happened between you, too, the bastard.’

‘I wouldn’t mind if he never came back.’

‘Oh Hawke, I’m so sor--’

‘Nope. Before we talk about that we need more alcohol. Can we set the next round on fire?’

After their third (or fourth? Hawke couldn’t remember) round of shots, she finally felt her inhibitions lowered enough to tell Isabela.

‘Isabelaaaaa,’ Hawke slurred. ‘You know that night, that night when Fenris and I fucked?’

Isabela belched, ‘Of course I do Hawke. I almost killed him on the spot when you told me.’

Hawke leaned across the table, motioning for her to lean closer.

She hiccuped then attempted to whisper into Isabela’s ear, ‘Motherfucker, he, he knocked me up!’

Hawke then fell back into the booth, giggling uncontrollably. Isabela however, remained with her elbows on the table, dumbly staring at Hawke.

‘Fenris did what?’

Hawke snorted, ‘He stuck his dick in me, came, and left, left me a present! A hit and run!’

‘Hawke, you’ve been drinking and you’re _pregnant_?’

Hawke stopped giggling and said dryly, ‘Believe me, I’m aware. Why do you think I’m drinking in the first place?’

‘I think we should get you home. I’ll call--’

‘No!’ Hawke shouted as she clumsily stood up, ‘I need to talk about this, with you, and, and I can’t do it sober. I can’t have this ba--this thing--in my life. Not now, not ever.’

Now Hawke was close to tears, her anger transforming into frustration, ‘I need your help Isabela. Please. I can’t, I can’t stop reliving that night. I can’t stop thinking about my mistake!’  
‘Hawke, you can’t keep blaming yourself. You can’t change what happened. But I promise--I swear--I’ll be here for you. No matter what you decide to do.’

Isabela slid next to Hawke and pulled her back down into the booth. Never had she been more grateful for the perpetual cacophony of the Hanged Man. Hawke was sobbing quietly now, her face buried into Isabela’s chest. Isabela wrapped her arms around Hawke, stroking her hair gently.

Muffled, Hawke said, ‘I think we should leave’ as she quietly detangled herself from Isabela.

‘I’ll get Corff to call a cab. I’ll meet you at the front, okay?’

Hawke nodded in response. She felt less drunk now, as if what just happened completely sobered her body. Her feet guided her towards the entrance and she pulled on her coat, mentally prepping herself for the cold.

‘The cab should be here in a few minutes. Do you want me to stay over tonight?’

Hawke shrugged and rocked back on her heels. It wasn’t until Isabela took her hand and squeezed it that she noticed the taxi was waiting at the curb.

‘C’mon Hawke, let’s get you home.’


End file.
